SELF LOVE JOURNEY-9 TIPS FOR SELF GROWTH & BECOMING YOUR BEST SELF AUDIO BLOG
Self-love, and self-growth, is a battle many of us deal with in our personal development goals. Consistently working on US and finding that place we feel is our “best-self” in our self love journey, can often seem so far away, we just want to give up…..
But then, we have that little voice in our heads that says we can’t…. “You’ve got this girl-you can do it!!!”….But GIRL, this last year, I must say (and have heard the same, from many others) has been much harder than ever before.
We all go through ups and downs. But it seems like we FEEL the downs more. They’re filled with doubts, insecurities, mistakes, and failures-and that’s ok. When we go through these things, they always make us stronger. We always learn from them, whether it’s a huge lesson from a major fuck-up on our end, or a valuable lesson learned overall in general.
Those lessons give us more knowledge and experience to use as we move forward on our journey. And by forming healthy habits, surrounding ourselves with positive people, and setting big goals that terrify us- but going for them anyway, we can all get to a place where we feel good with WHO we are and WHAT we are doing.
I went through years of not believing in myself the way I should. Thinking I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, or smart enough to go after the big dreams that silently sat in the back of my mind. I always had this feeling of just feeling “less than”. And as I’d see other girls be complete go-getters, I’d think, “I wish I could do that.” I would watch them go and conquer their dreams and goals, while I sat there and only day-dreamed about mine…… Sound familiar?
But then I reminded myself that I am in a new chapter. And this chapter is going to be filled with growth, evolution and purpose, because I MADE THE CHOICE to see it that way. And while hell yes, I am TERRIFIED- I am NOT letting that fear hold me back! And you shouldn’t let any of the visions you want to accomplish, be held back by fears either. You just have to make that choice FOR YOU!
My main intention in starting this blog and the whole “Pretty Obsessed Movement”, is to push, represent and spread consistently working on self-love, self-growth, and being our best selves overall as a whole, from the inside out. But once I made the final decision to do it, I thought, “Erica, who the hell are you to give advice on this? You’re struggling yourself!”
So, it only seemed fitting to have the first blog be about our self-love journey, the lessons I’ve learned from and implement into mine, and the key things I watch all of the amazing, intelligent, successful women, I surround myself with, do- to be their absolute best selves. I know for sure, if we constantly do these things, we can all get to that place in our journey where we know we belong.
TIP #1
TAKE RISKS-DO WHAT SCARES YOU (It’s KEY in becoming our best self)
We can have a tendency to fall complacent. We get comfortable and do what works and what’s easy. But that place doesn’t propel us to the next level. It doesn’t challenge us or push our limits. And when we stay in that place, we only rob ourselves of being truly fulfilled.
When we find ourselves in this cycle and know we aren’t happy, it’s time to get to work. And by going after those big dreams that scare us, we will get the most fulfillment and growth in being our absolute best and living our best lives.
I was always a “go-getter”. And when I put my mind to something, best believe, I made it happen. BUT…those goals, that I set were the goals I KNEW I could achieve. Ones that weren’t easy by any means, but they didn’t TRULY challenge me. And I stayed in that “safe zone”, where I felt most comfortable all the way up until I was 23, when I finally took the leap of going after my life-long dream of becoming an actress.
I finally stopped limiting myself, and staying in that comfortable place, when I knew and felt something was missing. And girl….it was the best decision I ever made! What would be that best decision for YOU? Think about it, then TAKE ACTION!! The time is NOW!!!
TIP #2
TAKE CARE OF YOUR MENTAL HEALTH/FORM HEALTHY HABITS (sometimes we forget to give ourself self love & this is a huge part of it)
Since quarantine, a lot of us had more time than ever to think and reflect. It brought some good out of people, and the really ugly out of others. For me personally, it did a little of both. I fell into a depression. Something I fell into a few years ago. Only this time, it was like the world stopped and wasn’t moving. So, I had to go through it and process it in a much different way than before.
I finally took a step back, really looked at myself, and asked what I had been doing that got to me to this yucky place…. And one thing I found was, I got so “busy”, I stopped taking care of ME-the way I always had.
I stopped doing my morning routine, which consists of prayer, affirmations and writing down things I’m grateful for. I stopped going to church, doing therapy, working out almost completely. I stopped setting new-bigger goals. And I let all of my anxiety and stress take over and just sat in it (and cried lol) instead of getting up, pumping the pavement-and trying to get back on track like I would normally do.
We Gotta Snap Out of It!!!
Thankfully, I finally snapped out of it (and YOU can TOO). I started back doing all of these things that I know are good for ME. And while it wasn’t easy and took time, I eventually started feeling better. I got my motivation and drive back. And I decided to set new goals that scare me to work towards. Of course, we all have a different process of things we do that help us stay in a good, mental place. But whatever those things are for you, make sure you do them. Every. Single. Day.
It can be something as simple as taking 30 minutes a day to journal, read, watch a show, or pamper yourself with a face mask. Or maybe, volunteering your time to give back in an area that’s close to your heart. Whatever it is, make the time for it. You may, just find, that you end up being WAY more productive when you do, regardless of how “busy” you are. Which will only help you feel better overall as a whole. So, no matter what, make time for YOU FIRST.
Another thing that I realized I allowed to happen, something I’ll work hard at never letting happen again….and if you’re honest about it, may be the case for you too, the next tip…. I stopped TRYING TO GROW.
TIP #3
NEVER STOP TRYING TO GROW (self growth never stops)
I would love to sit here and tell you I have this top-secret code you need to overcome these struggles. But unfortunately, I don’t. To keep it really real with you, this blog you’re reading right now is my very first blog ever. And the idea to start it, came after going through, probably, the absolute most “high” of my life, followed by probably, the lowest low.
In 2018 I achieved a HUGE goal I had set for myself of booking a series regular role (I actually booked two, back-to-back). Which is a huge deal for a struggling actress. I felt like the 10 hard years of work finally paid off. My life literally felt like a dream.
But unfortunately, that dream soon became a nightmare, when neither show got renewed for a second season, and I was back to square one-being an unemployed, struggling actress, waiting for that next gig. Only this time around, our world was in a pandemic. Everything seemed to be at a standstill, myself included. And I stayed there, not doing anything to try to keep moving forward and get myself out of it until these last months, which is when the Pretty Obsessed idea was born.
But then, as I really started to dive in and work on Pretty Obsessed, I thought, “Erica, you’re not even in that good of a place with all this “stuff” right now yourself. How the hell are gunna start a blog representing something you’ve been struggling with personally, and give advice on it?”
Don’t Let Self Doubt Take Control
I let those enemy thoughts fill my mind (like I’m sure you’ve done at some point), making me question, doubt, and all of those feelings we let hold us back from our destiny…. But I finally woke up. And if you’re in that place, you HAVE to wake-up too.
We have to remind ourselves how great we are, how capable we are, regardless. I reminded myself why I wanted to start this blog in the first place. To help and empower others, lifting them up in the process. Even if it meant putting myself in a super uncomfortable, vulnerable position to do it.
Because the reality of it is, we ALL let ourselves go sometimes. We ALL do or don’t do things we are proud of. And while, maybe you’ve been through a lot of things one person has-you also haven’t, and vise-versa. And there is value in what we can learn from that. So, I said fuck it. And here we are.
For me, part of my journey to loving myself more and growing to the place I want to be, is Pretty Obsessed. It’s my “Self-Growth/Love Project”. I strongly believe it will propel me to the next level in this new chapter of my life. And all I want from it, is for it to inspire other women to do the same. (And eventually make some good money lol)
If you find yourself in a “funk”, not happy, feeling insecure and doubtful-think of what YOUR “Self- Love Project” can be to help you grow and overcome those feelings. And get to work!
Of course, we all have different things that give us that drive. And I’m not saying you need to go start a blog like me. But think of something you’ve always wanted to do that scares you-but sparks something inside of you you’ve never felt, and you want to explore-and start exploring! Whether it goes as planned or not, there will be value and growth in all the experiences you encounter along the way.
TIP #4
STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS (self comparison will never help our self growth)
We’ve all done it at some point or another, in some form…. But DON’T! Stop comparing yourself to others! That’s their life, their journey, and their story. If we constantly live in a place of comparison, we will NEVER find OUR true best version of ourselves, because we’re so busy trying to be like someone else’s.
It’s ok to be inspired and motivated by someone, and maybe that person is great, and whatever it is they’re doing is clearly working. But that’s the thing, just because it’s working for them, does NOT mean it has to work that way for YOU. Their way is NOT THE ONLY WAY. YOU HAVE YOUR WAY TOO!
Success is a road map for all of us. And there are always SO many different ways to reach a certain destination. The key thing to always remember, is your journey- is YOUR journey. And it will look entirely different from other’s you admire. That’s the beauty in YOUR journey and story. Because it can have a different effect in a unique way catered by YOU.
Do What Feels Right For YOU
Find what works best for YOU. If it doesn’t feel right, doesn’t line up with your morals, doesn’t fit into what you feel is your purpose-it ain’t it. And just because you might want it to look like someone else’s and it doesn’t-it doesn’t mean that you are any less than or wrong. It doesn’t mean you won’t be as successful. And it doesn’t mean you can’t have as strong of an impact. It just means you’re meant to do it in a different way. Find that place within yourself, what feels right for you, OWN it, and run like hell with it.
I know it can be scary. We get afraid we’ll make some wrong turns and get lost along the way. And yes, that will absolutely happen. But the primary thing to remember is the next tip that we have to do. And that is…
TIP #5
TRUST YOURSELF (it will help you become your best self)
Have you ever had an amazing idea? You get so excited, super motivated by it, only to tell a friend about it and they shut it down and make you feel like it’s impossible??? DON’T DO that! Don’t let other’s beliefs, lack-there-of, insecurities, or settling with being complacent-make you stray away from doing the things that THEY are too afraid to do. THEY’RE NOT YOU!
If you have an idea or dream-it’s there for a reason. There is a purpose for it. And if we don’t act on it and try to find why the desire is there, we only rob ourselves from finding and living in our purpose.
When you fully trust yourself and what you’re doing, things start to fall into place. If something feels right for YOU-but not your friend-that’s ok. Do it anyway. Don’t worry about other’s opinions. That’s THEIR business. Not yours. Trust yourself. Trust your gut. Trust your plan. Trust everything in you and what you have to offer. When you fully do, you will become UNSTOPPABLE.
TIP #6
CHECK YOUR CIRCLE- YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM IS EVERYTHING
I know you’ve heard that saying “you are what you surround yourself with” and girl….. this is TRUTH. Making sure we surround ourselves with the right people is vital for our happiness and success. People can either lift us up higher than we ever imagined, or they can tear us down to a place lower than we ever knew existed.
Energy doesn’t lie. And how you feel around certain people, is a tell all to whether or not you need them in your life. Sometimes we don’t realize the effect someone is having on us until we really take a step back and evaluate. And, sometimes, some of the people closest to us may be the ones that bring us down.
Protect Your Energy
I’m not saying to completely leave those people behind, but find a place of balance. Maybe distance yourself. Be mindful of what you tell them. Protect yourself first, worry about protecting them second.
If every time you’re around someone, they make you feel like shit, uneasy, put you in a bad mood, and only complain about how miserable they are, they don’t deserve your energy. Misery loves company. Don’t be company to someone who is always miserable.
Trust your instincts and gut. If they treat others poorly, talk bad about their “friends”, and do things that you don’t ethically agree with on the regular, they may not be the best person to be around. And they will continue to make you feel like shit, just like they do, unless you change the situation and don’t allow them to.
We have to surround ourselves with people that lift us up and motivate us. People that inspire us to be a better person and do better things. People that have, maybe different goals, but a drive that we desire. Because they let us see the possibilities. I like being able to learn from these people. And when I see them accomplish a huge goal, they spoke to me about, it gives me motivation to go and conquer mine. And you can do the same.
Sometimes we are put in extremely difficult situations, because unfortunately, sometimes a lot of negativity can come from the ones we love dearly. But we have to make sure we are doing this next step no matter what, for our own good. And that’s…….
TIP #7
BE SELFISH – PUT YOURSELF FIRST (it’s vital for our self growth)
“Be Selfish,” ….it sounds so “bad” and “wrong”. But there’s a “right” way to do it…when we do it the “right way”, with the right intentions, it’s not bad at all. It’s actually good. One of the biggest lessons I learned this year, was I needed to be more selfish. Not in an egotistical-bad negative way, but in a good, healthy way for myself.
Sometimes, we can have a tendency to want to “fix everyone” (I know I do lol) If we feel like we can help in any way, we try. We feel guilty when we tell someone “no”, when it’s a situation where we know we “technically” can say “yes”.
Set Boundaries For Yourself
It took some hard lessons for me to learn that it’s ok to say no. We have to set boundaries, when we do we are protecting ourselves, and a lot of times the other person as well. Oftentimes, when we always say “yes,” we only hurt the ones we love. We enable them by continuing to “save them”, and it hurts them so much more in the end-and us too.
But as long as you’re doing this next tip, that person, will at one point, understand that you meant well by the limits you set. You just did what had to be done to help you be your best you, so you can continue to be there for them in those moments when they need you and you CAN be.
TIP#8
BE A GOOD PERSON
We can work endlessly on everything mentioned so far, but if we aren’t a GOOD person, none of it is worth anything. It’s pretty self- explanatory, but we may need a reminder from time to time.
Be real. Be kind. Be honest. Be humble. Say please and thank you. Ask the cashier at the grocery store how they are doing. Show up for your family and friends when they need you. Don’t do to others what you don’t want done to you. Be grateful for what you have- while you’re working for more. Do your best work even if you’re at a job you hate.
Always do what you know is right. Sometimes it may feel like it doesn’t pay off. But trust me, it will eventually. The truth is always revealed in every situation. And as long as you can truthfully say you’ve always done your best to be a good, honest, loyal person, your integrity will never be put into question by the ones who matter. Point blank.
Always Do What’s Right
Sometimes we are put in situations where it’s hard to do the right thing. Maybe someone is being extremely difficult. They know exactly which buttons to push, that put us on edge. Or maybe they did us wrong and we can’t let it go, and we have that temptation to do them wrong too-or treat them differently than we normally would. And that’s where the final tip comes into play….
TIP #9
FORGIVE & LET GO-FOR YOURSELF (something we ALL have to do in our self love journey that can be hard at times)
We gain absolutely NOTHING at all when we hang on to negative experiences that happen to us. When we get lied to, cheated on, wrongfully accused, talked negatively about etc., the number one, most important thing to remind ourselves of is two wrongs NEVER make a right. We HAVE to learn to FORGIVE and LET GO. .
Now I’m not saying completely forget. When someone shows you who they are-believe them. But forgiveness is something we have to find, not for them, but for US.
When we hang on to negative energy and emotions, we only block and take up space for POSITIVE energy to come through. And while some of the things people do to us are awful-we have to find that place of forgiveness in our hearts, because it’s the only way we can truly move past it, no matter how bad the situation may be.
Dont Hang On To Negative Experiences
Let it go. Move forward. And depending on how bad the betrayal was, if you are able/want to keep them in your life-just guard your heart. Protect yourself. But the forgiveness part is vital.
Lastly, while it’s important to forgive others when they do us wrong, it’s also important to forgive ourselves. We all mess up and make mistakes. Our judgement gets blurred, we trusted the wrong people, made a bad career move, or maybe did something that hurt a loved one. No one is perfect. That mistake you made was part of your plan, and a vital lesson was gained that you’ll need in your next chapter.
Of course, life happens, and sometimes things are completely out of our control. But like that old saying goes “fool me once, shame on you-fool me twice, shame on me” Don’t let yourself be that shameful person who makes dumb mistakes repetitively when you know better. Don’t beat yourself up over something you can’t change. Own up to your wrongs. Apologize to yourself and forgive yourself. Acknowledge what you need to do to improve the situation. And try your best not to do it again. Period.
Phew!!!!…..I know that was a lot, and long. And just an FYI, all of my future blogs won’t be this lengthy. But I felt like sharing and breaking these things down was important to have an understanding of the person behind the computer screen typing, and the intention the Pretty Obsessed blog will have overall as a whole.
We all have a different story, and we are all at different phases of our stories. But no matter what, we can help each other grow by sharing the valuable lessons we’ve learned from ours while lifting each other up along the way. And that’s what I want to do here.
Mindset Is Everything
While I love to talk about fashion and beauty, and will be, I also believe our mental health and mindset should come first. It’s the key factor in the success we reach. And we have to make sure we have ours in a good place before we focus on anything else.
I hope this blog helped you put some things in perspective. I hope it shed a different light that you needed to see. And I hope it inspires you to hop on the ride of this “Pretty Obsessed Self-Love Journey”.
I want to be a blogger whose words jump off the screen, into your heart, and touch you in some way. I can’t wait to share more valuable content with you along the journey. And just know, I am on this Pretty Obsessed ride with you. Because no matter how “great” or “not great” we are, there is always room to grow and improve. And that’s all I ever want to do in every area of my life-today, tomorrow, and always. Join me….and never jump off.
I hope you enjoyed this Self Love Journey, 9 Tips for Self Growth and Becoming Your Best Self from the inside out blog. If you like this blog, you may also like https://trueyoulifestyle.com/blog1/how-to-start-your-self-love-journey
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